Over the last seven weeks I have been missing in action. My body has been covering for my absent mind which has been wandering.
My father lost his job and to make matters worse, his constantly deteriorating knee has him to the point that he's using a cane at the age of 53. "A jack of all trades and a master of none" is a statement that has not only been reflective of his life but also his largest weakness in securing an occupation with decent medical benefits. Since he lost his job he could not afford to pay his rent and therefore was evicted from his apartment nearly two months ago. In the meantime he has been living with family, mainly my wife and I, and looking for other work.
On my days off I have got the ball rolling on my father's DSHS and Social Security paperwork, getting Medicaid, food stamps, and his SSI interview. My wife has been amazing in getting his doctor appointments setup and liaising with his social worker. But having a house guest with these needs has taken it's toll on our state of mind and our bottom line.
To make matters worse I recently was informed that my uncle is losing a battle with liver cancer at the age of 55. Though he had been hiding this from most of his family for nearly a year, the rapid loss of weight combined with the jaundice has made his failing physical condition obvious. When I'm not helping my father on shopping trips, picking up food, or trips out of the house, I make my way from Tacoma to Lynwood to talk with my uncle and when possible help around his house.
Seeing both of these men in their poor condition has resulted in stress that has kept me from playing, blogging, and even eating. I often wonder how others deal with this type of stress. Am I just overreacting to an inevitable death in the family? Or, is this how I am supposed to behave when people this close to you start to enter the winter of their life?
My father's knee surgery should be sometime early next year. While we are currently unsure if he'll ever be able to walk without a cane again, the surgery should alleviate most if not all of the pain. And in sometime in the more immediate future the man who took me and my cousin on fishing trips to the San Juan Islands and camping along the Skagit River will enter a coma and die.
I have been ordered to "take a break and eat something" by my mother the nurse, who has taken in her ex-husband in for the time being. Apparently my sleep deprivation and my wife's laryngitis has prompted my mother to take point on the situation. Dwelling on these dark thoughts has been more than I or my wife can handle lately and for the time being we have to get back to something of a normative behavior. Which for me means staying up late playing vidz, taking my wife to dinner and a movie, and blogging.
Seven weeks ago I pressed the pause button. No more games, movies, blogging, etc. It was time to be serious, dependable, and dedicated. But I've found that without a balance, the audacity of trying to be everywhere at once and beyond that eliminating what you enjoy in life will exacerbate your health and leave you depressed. The hobbies that we have are part of what makes us happy. And because of that I've decided to press the pause button and start the fun again. I know that I can balance being dedicated and having fun, I just need to get a little bit better at it.
